Crash and Recover

For Rowan's first 24 hours of life, his blood pressure struggled, his respiratory rate became more and more sporadic, and they had to continually adjust medications to keep him stable.  We didn't see as many of the changes because we weren't sure what to be looking for, but when he was about 22 hours old, he was struggling to breathe and hyperventilating.  At one point he opened his eyes and I ran over next to him.  He looked at me for just a minute before his eyes rolled up and he looked like he was having to fight.  They decided it was time to go ahead and put him on a respirator.  He was having to work really hard and they wanted to put him on a machine that would do the work for him.

This meant that he had to be sedated and paralyzed, then have a breathing tube inserted.  They asked us to leave the room and told us they'd call when we could come back.  Leaving the room and leaving him, knowing that this was best but that he wouldn't be conscious again for a long time and I might not get to look at his eyes again was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  My husband and I both really struggled that night.  We got to see him again about two hours later.  He was breathing slowly and deeply with the help of the machine and his other levels had started to stabilize as well.  While it was hard to see him with more tubes, seeing that he wasn't having to fight and struggle so hard made it clear that the respirator was the right choice and he was more comfortable.

We were hoping so strongly that because he looked so good and was born at full term and a strong weight that we might luck out and he'd be okay.  His crash late Sunday showed us that we weren't going to luck out like we'd hoped.  It was a bit of a shock to realize that we were going to look at worse case scenario as a reality and have to face a much harder few weeks than we'd tried to believe was possible.

The next morning he was continuing to improve.  His blood pressure was stabilizing and they were able to reduce some of his medications.  

Today, he was stable enough that they decided the could go ahead and send him to the cath lab.  They sent a tube up through his groin into his heart to inject dye and take pictures to make sure they understood exactly what his heart looked like.  He did a wonderful job in the procedure and has been becoming stronger and stronger since.  Now the surgeons are developing a plan for repair and a schedule for surgeries. 

Meanwhile, his blood pressure has stabilized and he's breathing room air (oxygen that is concentrated at the level normally found in the air around us).  They have taken him off the medication that paralyzes him so he can wiggle a bit to keep him from swelling or developing fluid build up (like pneumonia).  He's still on sedation, so he won't wake up, but he may respond to things like our holding his hands.  They also are stopping IV nutrition and he may get to start receiving breast milk through a feeding tube soon.  

Hopefully, we'll have a surgery date sometime tomorrow.  Until then, we expect there to be ups and downs, and we are enjoying his current up.  For a child in the ICU, it is often a balancing act.  Some level is off and has to be corrected...and then throws another level off that has to be corrected.  It's hard to leave the hospital because there is always something we are waiting to hear about, but we have made it to see our daughter a few times and we did sleep at home yesterday.

We are now in the PICU - which means TV and an XBOX 360 as well as food being allowed in the room.  He seems to be doing really well here and everyone in the take care of Rowan team has been spectacular.  We're remaining optimistic.  We are very proud of how strong he is.  We are comfortable, well-taken care of, and just a little sleepy.