Even though it seems backward, I am much more of a nervous wreck now than I’ve been most of our stay here. Every cough makes me nervous. I get really upset when Rowan cries. Any noise that is new or funny face he makes freaks me out.
Today they ordered feeds to start. They ordered this around 8 AM and it’s 3 PM and food hasn’t arrived yet. Which is normal. We’re lucky if it shows up by 4 PM normally. But today, it’s driving me nuts.
I’m close to tears almost all the time. I’m antsy and torn between feeling like I can’t handle the hospital and feeling like I can’t leave my little man’s bedside for even an instant.
Know what it is?
It’s because someone with a medical degree said the word “home”.
That word has seemed unobtainable so often that hearing it said as if it is a reality has made me think about how long we’ve been here and how incredibly difficult this has actually been. You tough it out because you have to and because you’re going to be here for a long time…but when the end is near, it’s hard to stay tough.
It’s like the Riverside Bridge on the How the West Was Run 5k. You don’t feel like you can make it…even though you can see the finish line. But you keep telling yourself that it’s just a little further and you can do it!
Home.
It’s just a little bit further.
He can do it.
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