Fading

Rowan is slowly fading.  He is now awake less and less. He is comfortable. It’s nice to know we can guarantee that for him. We are still taking pictures and having special moments, but will probably not post anymore photos.  Rowan has turned rather blue/purple and as amazing as the moments with him are for us, we understand that they may not share the warm fuzzy feeling we have with others and might be too hard to look at.  So I will instead tell you about some of the special things that have happened lately.

Rowan took a few naps laying on my chest, which doesn’t normally happen because he HATED tummy time..and it was just too close to that.

Rowan likes being held, so we do that a lot.  Lots of snuggling.  Lots of kisses.

Rowan smiles at his Dad a lot.  All the time.  He has nothing but smiles for Doc.

Doc played piano for Rowan.  Rowan liked it.

We went on a “camping trip” in the living room.  Rowan slept most of it, but we did go “fishing” on a blue blanket for brown trout and catfish, make shadow puppets, tell scary stories (Evelyn’s favorite was one her Dad told about a road runner who was trying to escape from a scary coyote who ended up falling off a cliff), and eat s’mores.  We also watched the Jungle Book and then used a star projector to light up our ceiling and we sang songs.

And that brings me to last night…

Last night I had a dream.  I dreamt that someone (I’m going to call them Death..but I mean that more in the sense of a guide for Rowan) was sitting in one of our dining room chairs next to Rowan in his room.  They were talking to Rowan about how it was almost time to go.  Rowan was smiling and shaking his head no (which he does all the time). Death (who looked a lot like Alan Rickman as he was in Dogma) told him there were other places he had to go and other people he had to be with, so they  had to go soon.  I woke up feeling a little weirded out by it.  I went in to Rowan’s room…and right by the bed, Doc had put one of our dining room chairs.  Exactly where it was in my dream. At first I was pretty freaked out, but after relaxing a little, I realized that I felt comforted.  Rowan isn’t alone. In my mind there is someone with him, helping him get ready to leave our world. It’s a nice thought.